Welcome to the Moms Club....Oh wait! Which one?

It's a funny thing. When I was still trying to get pregnant, I assumed that once I got pregnant I would automatically just be jolted into the 'mommy club'.  I assumed there was one big club, and if you were a mommy you just sort of became part of that club. As it turns out, once I actually became a mom, it was made very clear to me almost immediately that it's not just one big club....it's multiple clubs.... There's the breastfeeding clubs, the cloth diaper clubs, the holistic clubs, the working mother clubs, the single mothers clubs, the special needs clubs, the home school clubs....and the list goes on.
I remember one day listening to some moms talking while I sat holding my newborn, and it hit me that not only are there multiple 'clubs' out there for moms, but that there are some pretty strong opinions and views on parenting, and so many moms get caught up in comparing themselves with each other. You have some moms who feel so strongly about things that they have a hard time seeing any other views but their own. Then you have some moms who feel so guilty because they aren't meeting the standards of all the super moms out there, then they feel they have to explain themselves to everyone.

I wish there was a club for new moms called 'Like-a-deer-caught-in-the-headlights club'. ---the club where you are kind of standing in the middle, just sort of neutral about everything, trying to figure everything out but not wanting to be 'stuck' in any specific club....the club where you just want to let your hair down and enjoy your child, all while trying to do what's best for them.




I'm also noticing a lot of pressure from companies, groups and especially online resources advocating things and making you feel like a jerk if you don't live up to those standards.
Here's an example. I went to do a quick search for something the other day, and a website totally unrelated to my search popped up with this picture on it:

Notice how unhappy the first baby looks, and how happy the breastfed baby looks? I don't normally let things get to me, but this picture ruffled my feathers a little. My baby is formula fed and she's happier than a lot of breastfed babies that I know! I've also noticed that a lot of breastfed kids seem to have some of the worst allergy breakouts I've ever witnessed. One friends child broke out so badly over eating a couple of Smarties candies...apparently they have eggs in them. Point in case, does it really matter?!

Also, if you do your research not all formulas are bad. Not all formulas are caked with syrups and DHA/ARA additives. Just read the labels and do your research and find one that's best for your baby!  I get tired of hearing about all the negative things about formula. You never see lists of all the positive things about formula. Well, here's one: Formula is keeping my baby alive and HEALTHY and happy!  Sure, breastfeeding is best, but a mother should never feel bad because she can't breastfeed, or because she chooses not to.

Ok, so perhaps what bothers me the most about the picture above is that they put "bonding" next to the breastfed baby and not the formula fed baby! Really? I understand all the chemical releases in the brain that take place when a mother breastfeeds, but really? Why is it continually noted from all the breastfed advocates that breastfed babies can bond better than formula fed babies? Bonding is a huge perk when it comes to breastfeeding, but honestly it doesn't have to be any different with formula fed babies. I am truly thankful for the months that I was able to breastfeed my baby, but when I did have to switch her to the bottle, that did not keep us from bonding. In fact, when I was growing up I always saw moms prop their baby's bottles up and feed them in their car seats, and that always bothered me a little. I like to snuggle my baby close to me when she eats, just like a breastfed baby. At night, we snuggle up in bed together and she will gulp down an entire bottle while I stroke her hair, or just snuggle her. During the day, we rock together on the rocking chair while she takes her bottle. We gaze into each others eyes. She grabs my nose while she drinks, and I nibble on her fingers and pretend to eat her hand.

Also, for the first month or so after I switched her to the bottle, I wouldn't let anyone feed her, not even my husband, because, just like breastfeeding, that was our bonding time. Allen couldn't quite understand this at first because it was just a bottle and he felt it was something he could do. It used to frustrate him because he knew how exhausted I was and he wanted to help out, but no matter how tired I was, I always insisted on feeding her. And it was simply because I didn't want to loose that bond with her.
Daddy helps out with feedings now, but to this day, she still eats better for me, and it's because of that bond we share.

Last but not least, I had to share this little insert that a friend posted on FB the other day. It made me chuckle and it helped me to realize just how much a lot of us moms stress out over the little things...when in the end, kids are just going to be kids and do what kids do best! And hopefully, just hopefully, no matter what "clubs" we belong to, our kids will turn out just fine! :)

To crawl or not to crawl, that is the question

Time sure does fly! It's been a long time since my last blog post, 16 months to be exact. I never did claim to be the world's best blogger, so if you're reading this, don't expect miracles. But a few of the ladies inspired me to update my blogger account, so I thought I'd give it a whirl again.

I was looking back at my old posts, and I can't believe that my last post was about adoption, and starting the adoption process again. We had attended our first class and started filling out the massive pile of paper work. However, little did I know that while I sat writing that post, little miss Nylah was finally on the radar...an itty bitty pea sized baby, bobbing around in my tummy. Those are the kind of interruptions in life that I actually enjoy.

Nylah will be 9 months old next week! And with that brings me to my next subject: crawling. I've been told most babies start to crawl between 7 and 10 months. I'd be curious to know from some of you moms when your babies started crawling. So far, she shows no interest in getting up on her knees or scooting, but she is definitely starting to stand and "walk" with the help of mom or dad guiding her. And just put her in her walker and she quickly flies from one side of the house to the other! It didn't take her long at all to figure out how to get around in it.


We've been trying to keep up with her tummy time (normally on carpet), getting her to balance on her tummy and finding creative things that she can reach for, anything to entice her. But, she very well may just start walking before she crawls.

We're Adopting!

Allen and I started the adoption process (again) a few months ago. But today, we took a major step that I'm still not sure we were ready for, and for those of you who know our situation will understand. Even though we are still months away from adopting, Allen and I set up a crib today. It sounds silly to ask this, but please, somebody tell me we are doing the right thing. We told our case manager that we are very interested in fostering/adopting a special needs newborn who might be born premature, addicted to drugs, etc.. Before we get approved we need to complete our home study.... and in order to have a home study, we need to have a crib and some basic things set up and prepared for a child or newborn. With that said, Allen will be gone the whole month of March and part of April, so we are probably not going to start the training, have our home study and be totally approved until May or June. And here we are setting up a crib in January! Am I nuts or what?! But since the paper work process that we are going through now takes a while, we are using this time to organize and rearrange bedrooms, thus the reason for setting up the crib.

I must admit I was a bit apprehensive setting up the crib, pulling all the bedding out, and unpacking years of dreams that have been set aside not only in boxes, but also packed away deep in my heart as well. Some of the things we unpacked from boxes today were things I had saved from years ago, in hopes for a baby of my own. The Peter Rabbit theme was picked out long before we even tried to have a baby. The colors picked out, ivory, yellow and white. The dreams picked out. The hopes picked out...  Then, crash, right in the middle of all our dreams, we found out we couldn't conceive on our own. So, we wasted no time and jumped right in and started the adoption process, along with fertility treatments just in case. We completed all the training, the home study and even got a little certificate letting us know we were approved and ready.  Everything went so incredibly smooth and quick until........Uncle Sam abruptly decided to move us overseas, first Turkey and then Italy. So, for the past 5 years, all those hopes and dreams remained packed up in boxes, and I refused to open them.....until now. 

Therefore, today has been a bit of an emotional day. Just as quickly as we set up the crib, I found myself closing the bedroom door, so as not to walk by it day after day, waiting, and hoping, and wondering.
Over the years, I have prepared my heart many times in case I wouldn't have kids, and I prepared myself to be content and happy with my life, my husband and the hobbies and interests we share as a couple. We quickly focused our energies on Career, work, photography, travel, military and, well....life has been good to us. I can't complain. Regardless, I hope we're not opening our hearts just to be disappointed again. I hope we're making the right decision to adopt through the Foster Care system. And I hope nothing else gets in our way and prevents us from adopting. It's my hope that not only will our dreams come true and we find ourselves parents, but that we can offer a good home to even one child out there.

Allen setting up the crib in what used to be the guest bedroom

Guest Bedroom/nursery. We'll slowly make it more kid friendly, and also add a toddler bed, just in case...along

with more toys, books and so on..

We love Peter Rabbit!

I like to consider myself somewhat of a green person, recycling, saving energy and using less water when possible, but I must apologize to Mother Nature because ever since we moved into our house, I've been taking a lot of baths lately, sometimes up to two times a day (Lowers head in shame)! But, given the fact that I spent the past 3 years without a bathtub in Italy, including 3 years of miserable skin issues that could've been soothed with a bath, I think even Mother Nature could understand my obsessive bath taking lately. So, with that of course, I had to indulge in some bath salts, bath oils and body scrubs..which are quite expensive given the fact that some of it I could make myself. I think I'm going to make it my goal to research and make some of these things myself, and save $30-$40. If anyone has any suggestions, feel free to let me know. 

Speaking of bath soaps and oils, if you notice the pictures, I've been creatively trying to come up with more stock photos to turn into my agency. The more pictures I submit, the bigger my commissions will be, not to mention the more chance I have of selling them to companies. And you would think that snapping a few pictures here and there is simple enough, but it still amazes me how much work is involved with each picture. The lighting has to be just right. In fact, Allen was laughing at me when I took these pictures because there I sat, fully clothed in the bathtub, with my studio lights lined up around the tub, my soft box and flash in my lap, and my fingers snapping away! It was a lot of work! But, if there is even a hint of a shadow, it can make the whole picture uneven, and the photo can be rejected. Then there is the copyright laws, which require me to take all labels off of products I shoot. Even certain products themselves are off limits, such as a rubber ducky, because the item itself is a trademark. Some of this stuff has taken me months to learn, but I'm slowly getting better at it. Soon I will be opening my own studio and maybe teaching some classes. That's my goal anyway. For now, some of this work is simply tedious. 

Thanks for taking the time to read my blog. I didn't have anything too exciting to write about this time, but I figured I should update it since it's been a few months.