It's a funny thing. When I was still trying to get pregnant, I assumed that once I got pregnant I would automatically just be jolted into the 'mommy club'. I assumed there was one big club, and if you were a mommy you just sort of became part of that club. As it turns out, once I actually became a mom, it was made very clear to me almost immediately that it's not just one big club....it's multiple clubs.... There's the breastfeeding clubs, the cloth diaper clubs, the holistic clubs, the working mother clubs, the single mothers clubs, the special needs clubs, the home school clubs....and the list goes on.
I remember one day listening to some moms talking while I sat holding my newborn, and it hit me that not only are there multiple 'clubs' out there for moms, but that there are some pretty strong opinions and views on parenting, and so many moms get caught up in comparing themselves with each other. You have some moms who feel so strongly about things that they have a hard time seeing any other views but their own. Then you have some moms who feel so guilty because they aren't meeting the standards of all the super moms out there, then they feel they have to explain themselves to everyone.
I wish there was a club for new moms called 'Like-a-deer-caught-in-the-headlights club'. ---the club where you are kind of standing in the middle, just sort of neutral about everything, trying to figure everything out but not wanting to be 'stuck' in any specific club....the club where you just want to let your hair down and enjoy your child, all while trying to do what's best for them.
I'm also noticing a lot of pressure from companies, groups and especially online resources advocating things and making you feel like a jerk if you don't live up to those standards.
Here's an example. I went to do a quick search for something the other day, and a website totally unrelated to my search popped up with this picture on it:
Notice how unhappy the first baby looks, and how happy the breastfed baby looks? I don't normally let things get to me, but this picture ruffled my feathers a little. My baby is formula fed and she's happier than a lot of breastfed babies that I know! I've also noticed that a lot of breastfed kids seem to have some of the worst allergy breakouts I've ever witnessed. One friends child broke out so badly over eating a couple of Smarties candies...apparently they have eggs in them. Point in case, does it really matter?!
Also, if you do your research not all formulas are bad. Not all formulas are caked with syrups and DHA/ARA additives. Just read the labels and do your research and find one that's best for your baby! I get tired of hearing about all the negative things about formula. You never see lists of all the positive things about formula. Well, here's one: Formula is keeping my baby alive and HEALTHY and happy! Sure, breastfeeding is best, but a mother should never feel bad because she can't breastfeed, or because she chooses not to.
Ok, so perhaps what bothers me the most about the picture above is that they put "bonding" next to the breastfed baby and not the formula fed baby! Really? I understand all the chemical releases in the brain that take place when a mother breastfeeds, but really? Why is it continually noted from all the breastfed advocates that breastfed babies can bond better than formula fed babies? Bonding is a huge perk when it comes to breastfeeding, but honestly it doesn't have to be any different with formula fed babies. I am truly thankful for the months that I was able to breastfeed my baby, but when I did have to switch her to the bottle, that did not keep us from bonding. In fact, when I was growing up I always saw moms prop their baby's bottles up and feed them in their car seats, and that always bothered me a little. I like to snuggle my baby close to me when she eats, just like a breastfed baby. At night, we snuggle up in bed together and she will gulp down an entire bottle while I stroke her hair, or just snuggle her. During the day, we rock together on the rocking chair while she takes her bottle. We gaze into each others eyes. She grabs my nose while she drinks, and I nibble on her fingers and pretend to eat her hand.
Also, for the first month or so after I switched her to the bottle, I wouldn't let anyone feed her, not even my husband, because, just like breastfeeding, that was our bonding time. Allen couldn't quite understand this at first because it was just a bottle and he felt it was something he could do. It used to frustrate him because he knew how exhausted I was and he wanted to help out, but no matter how tired I was, I always insisted on feeding her. And it was simply because I didn't want to loose that bond with her.
Daddy helps out with feedings now, but to this day, she still eats better for me, and it's because of that bond we share.
Daddy helps out with feedings now, but to this day, she still eats better for me, and it's because of that bond we share.
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