Strong Willed Is A Blessing!

 The more I watch Nylah grow, the more personality I see emerge from her. She is strong. She is determined. She is happy. She is moody. She is serious. She is a thinker.  And, she's at that stage where she wants to express her independence, and voice all those wants and needs in the utter most exclamatory way possible. Most of her moodiness and aggravation I have shrugged off as just regular toddler behavior that would pass.
But, over the past few weeks, Allen and I have come to the conclusion that our 'sweet' beautiful little girl is also a very strong willed little girl. In the past few weeks we have watched an iron-fisted determination emerge from her, and when her expectations don't come into fruition, out pops a beastly creature that we do not recognize.


 When she was born, I used to brag because she literally seemed to have all of Allen's best features and all of my best features. She had Allen's beautiful eye color, and my bushy brown hair, etc. The qualities we didn't want to her to have, she seemed to skip out on altogether, and we joked that she was the perfect baby! These are all vain things of course, and we would love her no matter what she looked like. But little did I know that this laid back, content, and 'perfect' little baby would inevitably grow to inherit my strong willed personality that I have struggled over the years to look at as "good". It has gotten me into trouble quite a few times over the years, but it has also driven me and pushed me when I really needed to grow.

I honestly don't know how my mom ever did it. I remember her being so patient with me at times, even in my ugliest of moments. She never crushed my spirit, and I want to also be careful not to crush Nylah's spirit.

 The other day I watched her struggle as she tried fitting her toy maracas into a cup that was obviously too small to hold them. She had been playing so contently up until this point, but I watched her quickly grow frustrated in a matter of minutes. She kicked her feet at first, then tried once again to fit the maracas inside the tiny cup. She grunted and whined, until at last she thew herself on her stomach, screamed and banged her head on the floor.
I was at such a loss because I couldn't correct her for doing something wrong; she was just trying to make something work that simply was not working.  And I couldn't even find a way to explain to her little 18-month-old brain that those silly little maracas could not possibly fit into that tiny cup. All I could do was hold her, count to 20 and wait for her to calm down, then try to explain in a way she 'might' understand that this behavior is unacceptable.

Some things are harder because they require immediate correction, and sometimes it feels like a constant replay of words. "We don't hit, Nylah."  "We don't throw things, Nylah." "Stop whining, Nylah." And for the most part, I have kept calm and put her in time out, or even given her a little paddle on the bum if the situation is serious enough. I NEVER hit her, and I vary rarely loose my temper and react out of anger. I don't want to be that kind of mom. I don't want to be the mom who can never get through to her child unless she is yelling constantly, or threatening them. However, I am not perfect and sometimes I make mistakes. Last week we had a really rough day. She was frustrated. I was frustrated. And while I was correcting her over one thing, she promptly picked up a toy and threw it at me, hitting me hard in the face. I lost my patience, raised my voice and we both ended up in our rooms, in time out!
It was in this moment that I realized just how strong willed she really is, and how much work we have to do! I need to be firm with her, all while keeping that great big spirit of hers whole! So, alas, here we are...on this journey that I recognize all too well, learning and figuring things out from a parental perspective. I'm looking forward to reading books and hearing from other parents on how to raise a strong willed child.

It's really important for me to remember that her strong will does not define her. This is only part of her personality, and if we teach her to cultivate it and channel it in the right directions, it will be a great asset for her.  It's also important for me to remember all the other parts of her personality. She may be easily set off at times, but she is silly, quirky and completely loveable. I love how she randomly comes up to me, lays her head on me and says, "Awe!"  This is her way of saying, "I love you, Mama!".
I love how she blows kisses at bedtime, and says 'bye-bye' instead of 'nite-nite'.
I love how she walks by people in public and waves to everyone in sight, then waves again to say 'bye-bye.'
I love that she charms everyone she meets, and quite possibly makes peoples day a bit brighter.
I love how her face lights up when I hand her her sippy cup, and how she carries it around the house like a long-lost best friend!
I love her spirit and her charm, and her determination as she thinks deeply.

My heart for you, Nylah is that you grow into a strong and directed woman. I want to be firm with you, while showing you grace, just as God shows grace to me when I make mistakes as your mom. I don't want to appease you or make you happy in the moment.  I want every moment to be a teachable moment. I want you to learn from wrong behavior and grow from it. I want you to learn from disappointment and use it as a tool to drive you further. I want you to be driven, yet respectful of boundaries. I want you to never give up, yet know when it's time to let go. And most importantly, as your mom, I want you to trust in me and my decisions for you, just as I trust God to give me wisdom to guide you.

Uh Oh! Spaghetti-O!

Some days were just meant for eating Spaghetti-O's.

Her first time eating them.

 

 

 

Free Swim Suit

I'm not sure why, but this winter seems to be dragging on especially long. There's no rhythm or reason for this other than my obsessive need to go to the beach.  We did not make it to the beach last year due to Allen coming home from Africa and then trying to get back into a routine with a new baby. So this year I'm especially antsy about going.

 

 

In my anticipation, I decided to pull out Nylah's old swimming suit...the swimming suit that I fully intended to use last summer but never did. I tried it on her right before her bath, and surprisingly enough it barely fit (without a diaper), and the top, although short, still fit as well.

 

 

Obviously she will need a new swimming suit this year, so if anyone is interested in a brand new 6-12 month swimming suit, you are welcome to this one. It's free. Just swing by and pick it up, or pay shipping. I love the style, and it even comes with a matching hat.

Beauty in the mundane

 I was reading another fellow photographer's blog and she said so beautifully what I often think and feel in my heart when I'm with my family. Right after the loss of her family dog she writes,

"There are parts of our life that are so normal, so every day, that we forget to even notice them. We take them for granted, almost like the breath that comes from our lungs. And then one day we wake up and something has changed. The normal; whatever it was, is different. I don’t want to notice the beauty of the everyday only when it is gone. I want to embrace it and appreciate it. I want to see it. The everyday; the habitual, the predictable, is what makes our life a complete story. Life simply isn't made up of grand picturesque moments. I want these seemingly insignificant moments to be etched so deeply in my heart and eyes that I never forget them." --Ginger Unzueta

Believe it or not, but my favorite style of photography is the mundane kind. The everyday. The simple. You won't see me posing people, especially my family, and you won't see any specific order or direction in my pictures. I won't coax my family into a fake smile, or make them be in pictures if they don't want to. That's simply not my style. Some of the most beautiful photos are ones that never require a smile, or a pose, or a planned event. The beautiful things truly are in the everyday, simple things. The mundane.

Sometimes I worry, as a photographer that there are people out there who get the wrong impression of me through my pictures....  There might be those who don't understand photography at all, and they simply miss the emotion or art that I'm trying to convey through my pictures. Then there are those who may even think I'm trying to create the facade of a 'picture perfect' family. I hope people never think that about my pictures because that is not my heart at all. Ginger said it perfectly...it's not about the grand picturesque moments. It's simply about embracing and appreciating the mundane.  

Last week was spaghetti night, and I gave up trying to keep this kid clean. In her quest for independence, she feels the need to feed herself most of the time now. Some of the food ends up in her mouth. Some in her hair. And most of it on the floor, or in my lap.
On this particular night, I was so exhausted. She had been so sick and cranky, and we were all wore out. We sat down for dinner and with every bite I offered her, she would push the spoon away, leaving sauce and noodles all over the floor. In my frustration, I plopped down the bowl in front of her, sat back and gave up. Then, in typical toddler manor, she started shoveling the food in little by little until it was gone.
I sat back, snapped a few pictures and we all ended the night with some smiles and laughs.

Perfect? No. Beautiful? Yes.  I cherish every moment with this girl, ESPECIALLY in the mundane.