The more I watch Nylah grow, the more personality I see emerge from her. She is strong. She is determined. She is happy. She is moody. She is serious. She is a thinker. And, she's at that stage where she wants to express her independence, and voice all those wants and needs in the utter most exclamatory way possible. Most of her moodiness and aggravation I have shrugged off as just regular toddler behavior that would pass.
But, over the past few weeks, Allen and I have come to the conclusion that our 'sweet' beautiful little girl is also a very strong willed little girl. In the past few weeks we have watched an iron-fisted determination emerge from her, and when her expectations don't come into fruition, out pops a beastly creature that we do not recognize.
When she was born, I used to brag because she literally seemed to have all of Allen's best features and all of my best features. She had Allen's beautiful eye color, and my bushy brown hair, etc. The qualities we didn't want to her to have, she seemed to skip out on altogether, and we joked that she was the perfect baby! These are all vain things of course, and we would love her no matter what she looked like. But little did I know that this laid back, content, and 'perfect' little baby would inevitably grow to inherit my strong willed personality that I have struggled over the years to look at as "good". It has gotten me into trouble quite a few times over the years, but it has also driven me and pushed me when I really needed to grow.
I honestly don't know how my mom ever did it. I remember her being so patient with me at times, even in my ugliest of moments. She never crushed my spirit, and I want to also be careful not to crush Nylah's spirit.
The other day I watched her struggle as she tried fitting her toy maracas into a cup that was obviously too small to hold them. She had been playing so contently up until this point, but I watched her quickly grow frustrated in a matter of minutes. She kicked her feet at first, then tried once again to fit the maracas inside the tiny cup. She grunted and whined, until at last she thew herself on her stomach, screamed and banged her head on the floor.
I was at such a loss because I couldn't correct her for doing something wrong; she was just trying to make something work that simply was not working. And I couldn't even find a way to explain to her little 18-month-old brain that those silly little maracas could not possibly fit into that tiny cup. All I could do was hold her, count to 20 and wait for her to calm down, then try to explain in a way she 'might' understand that this behavior is unacceptable.
Some things are harder because they require immediate correction, and sometimes it feels like a constant replay of words. "We don't hit, Nylah." "We don't throw things, Nylah." "Stop whining, Nylah." And for the most part, I have kept calm and put her in time out, or even given her a little paddle on the bum if the situation is serious enough. I NEVER hit her, and I vary rarely loose my temper and react out of anger. I don't want to be that kind of mom. I don't want to be the mom who can never get through to her child unless she is yelling constantly, or threatening them. However, I am not perfect and sometimes I make mistakes. Last week we had a really rough day. She was frustrated. I was frustrated. And while I was correcting her over one thing, she promptly picked up a toy and threw it at me, hitting me hard in the face. I lost my patience, raised my voice and we both ended up in our rooms, in time out!
It was in this moment that I realized just how strong willed she really is, and how much work we have to do! I need to be firm with her, all while keeping that great big spirit of hers whole! So, alas, here we are...on this journey that I recognize all too well, learning and figuring things out from a parental perspective. I'm looking forward to reading books and hearing from other parents on how to raise a strong willed child.
It's really important for me to remember that her strong will does not define her. This is only part of her personality, and if we teach her to cultivate it and channel it in the right directions, it will be a great asset for her. It's also important for me to remember all the other parts of her personality. She may be easily set off at times, but she is silly, quirky and completely loveable. I love how she randomly comes up to me, lays her head on me and says, "Awe!" This is her way of saying, "I love you, Mama!".
I love how she blows kisses at bedtime, and says 'bye-bye' instead of 'nite-nite'.
I love how she walks by people in public and waves to everyone in sight, then waves again to say 'bye-bye.'
I love that she charms everyone she meets, and quite possibly makes peoples day a bit brighter.
I love how her face lights up when I hand her her sippy cup, and how she carries it around the house like a long-lost best friend!
I love her spirit and her charm, and her determination as she thinks deeply.
My heart for you, Nylah is that you grow into a strong and directed woman. I want to be firm with you, while showing you grace, just as God shows grace to me when I make mistakes as your mom. I don't want to appease you or make you happy in the moment. I want every moment to be a teachable moment. I want you to learn from wrong behavior and grow from it. I want you to learn from disappointment and use it as a tool to drive you further. I want you to be driven, yet respectful of boundaries. I want you to never give up, yet know when it's time to let go. And most importantly, as your mom, I want you to trust in me and my decisions for you, just as I trust God to give me wisdom to guide you.
