ZESTFUL DAYS: January 2013

Allen and I started the adoption process (again) a few months ago. But today, we took a major step that I'm still not sure we were ready for, and for those of you who know our situation will understand. Even though we are still months away from adopting, Allen and I set up a crib today. It sounds silly to ask this, but please, somebody tell me we are doing the right thing. We told our case manager that we are very interested in fostering/adopting a special needs newborn who might be born premature, addicted to drugs, etc.. Before we get approved we need to complete our home study.... and in order to have a home study, we need to have a crib and some basic things set up and prepared for a child or newborn. With that said, Allen will be gone the whole month of March and part of April, so we are probably not going to start the training, have our home study and be totally approved until May or June. And here we are setting up a crib in January! Am I nuts or what?! But since the paper work process that we are going through now takes a while, we are using this time to organize and rearrange bedrooms, thus the reason for setting up the crib.

I must admit I was a bit apprehensive setting up the crib, pulling all the bedding out, and unpacking years of dreams that have been set aside not only in boxes, but also packed away deep in my heart as well. Some of the things we unpacked from boxes today were things I had saved from years ago, in hopes for a baby of my own. The Peter Rabbit theme was picked out long before we even tried to have a baby. The colors picked out, ivory, yellow and white. The dreams picked out. The hopes picked out... Then, crash, right in the middle of all our dreams, we found out we couldn't conceive on our own. So, we wasted no time and jumped right in and started the adoption process, along with fertility treatments just in case. We completed all the training, the home study and even got a little certificate letting us know we were approved and ready. Everything went so incredibly smooth and quick until........Uncle Sam abruptly decided to move us overseas, first Turkey and then Italy. So, for the past 5 years, all those hopes and dreams remained packed up in boxes, and I refused to open them.....until now.

Therefore, today has been a bit of an emotional day. Just as quickly as we set up the crib, I found myself closing the bedroom door, so as not to walk by it day after day, waiting, and hoping, and wondering.
Over the years, I have prepared my heart many times in case I wouldn't have kids, and I prepared myself to be content and happy with my life, my husband and the hobbies and interests we share as a couple. We quickly focused our energies on Career, work, photography, travel, military and, well....life has been good to us. I can't complain. Regardless, I hope we're not opening our hearts just to be disappointed again. I hope we're making the right decision to adopt through the Foster Care system. And I hope nothing else gets in our way and prevents us from adopting. It's my hope that not only will our dreams come true and we find ourselves parents, but that we can offer a good home to even one child out there.

Allen setting up the crib in what used to be the guest bedroom